Get it together.

snoop doggy dogg

2009-04-19T01:18:04Z

my computer's been acting a little funny lately, and man, do those kids at the student help desk really know their shit. Two hours later, i picked up a supersuperspeedy fast laptop with no more viruses. and they liked my happy monsters background! i like it too.

anyway, spring fever. there's so much shit to do in such little timeeee and the weather is too beautifulll and there's too many beerbques to have and too many blunts to be smoked on the porch and too many other reckless obstacles that take place in new paltz once the weather's nice.

at least this weekend will be FABULOUS--->
REEL BIG FISH is playing on my campus Thursday. WTF??!!! I know, I bugged when I heard. I'm sooo excited! It's like my adolescence has followed me to college. The last time I saw them I think they opened for like, goldfinger or something. Oh man. It's going to be faaabulous.
Then friday? is ROCK AGAINST RACISM with fabulous musical performances byyyy i forgot who. i fucking loveeee my school and my town and liiiiife.

but now it's 9oclock on a saturday night, and i'm still sober.
so drink up. buhbyeeee<3

stupid slaves

2009-03-31T00:20:37Z

I feel like a lifetime has passed since the last time I wrote in this collarpickin thing. Well, not that too much time has passed or anything but it just feels like so much has happened. I'm not going to explain anything right now because I don't feel like it. Also because I really don't even think anyone even reads this shit anymore haha. I just don't think I could ever give it up. Anyway, a quick recap. I had the most amazing spring break. I kicked ass on my midterms. Oh, and Immortal Technique is playing in our gym on thursday.

?

Immortal Technique has some sort of infatuation with SUNY New Paltz. That's twice in three years. I'm really excited though. Final Nuclear Holocaust show at snuggs after. Never did I ever imagine I'd say that I am actually saddened by this. Haha, <3college<3

Anyway. I have too many obstacles to tackle in the next few forevers. I set too many goals for myself but I really think I need to achieve them. Anyway, bye♥

yawp

2009-03-05T17:34:47Z

I had the most incredible weekend and it only took me about a week to finally recover. Thursday night, Erik came and surprised me which was the most fabulous thing in the entire world, I didn't expect it in the least and words cannot describe how fucking radiant I was. He is too perfect. We had a ridiculous, crazy New Paltz weekend, Friday was so fucking awesome I wish I could relive it over and over. This town is just amazing. I really don't think anyone could possibly understand unless you've lived here. It's the almost the exact opposite of where I had always wanted to be (manhattan), yet it's suited me better, I believe, at this time in my life. As eager as I am to move out to brooklyn after college, I am going to miss this place so fucking much. Now that the guys are graduating in may, things are going to be so fucking different; New Paltz will still be New Paltz, but in a way I've never known. My best friends since LITERALLY day one in lefevre will be gone, and it makes my stomach turn just thinking of how sad I will be. Fortunately, I've had the most indescribably PERFECT outrageously insane, sloppy, hysterical, unbelievably incredible memories attached to those guys and the three years of college I've experienced thus far.

I've decided to take an English class during the first session of summer courses. It's a shitload of money, but it will be worth it. It's before camp starts, I can still work mornings and afternoons as well, and I can go home for a week or so. I don't think I could go the entire summer without using my brain like I have been. I need to take advantage of the work ethic I have somehow managed to possess since the beginning of this semester. I also want to read at least 5 books, because I haven't really read much outside of my classes. I need to keep reading, I won't have the excuse of being short on time.

Midterms are next week. I am kind of bugging out a bit, I won't lie. My grades have been really fucking great so far, and I am pushing myself to do extraordinarily well on my midterms, which will be real hard. Especially for my Literary Criticism class (although I did just get an A- on a paper on Horace, bitch!), but I don't think I will be happy with anything less than a B+. It's so weird for me to think like that, considering how I've been all throughout college up until this point. I've always gotten good grades, but I never tried, I didn't set a single expectation for myself, and I never went to class. I never really cared. I dunno why, but now I do. And I care a lot. I guess that's a good thing lol. Go me.

Spring Break is next Friday, so I'll be on Long Island for a night. Saturday I'm flying to florida with Erik for about a week, then I'll be around for the rest of that weekend. So call me up if you're around then! Tonight we will be having a belated birthday celebration for Smegtard, continuing on Friday. Shauna is coming up this weekend and I am like, hfishifhils wayy too excited. Things are going so fabulous. I am the luckiest girl alive :)

And now it's time for the library. Because, ya know, I fucking live there now. I should pitch a damn tent or something in there. Maybe a blow up mattress in the study rooms or something. I'm there more than I am in my own room, I fucking swear.

Anyway. That's my update.
I love you all with too much of my heart.

"green means toke"

2009-03-02T20:07:29Z

that's right.

epic

2009-02-18T19:43:31Z

i cannot fucking wait to learn every single day for the rest of my life.

eee

2009-01-26T01:21:09Z

best fucking birthday ever, everevevervevrvevrvevrvervevrevevvvver.
i am so blessed. so, so blessed.

big update later, promise.

newppp

2009-01-19T20:57:52Z

i'm gonna be 21 in fourrrr days =O
♥

breakfast

2009-01-08T15:43:46Z

i just had the most fabulous waffles in the entire world.
honestly, ask me to make them for you. straight up ihop shit.

anyway, tuesday i will be on long island!!
and i neeeedneedneed to be with the friends, the boy, the cousins, &all that til np.
so call me ;)
i'll make you waffles.

meds

2008-12-30T06:47:01Z

phew.

my life is nutty.

today i went ape shit for school supplies. i spend 25 minutes picking out notebooks. i'm fucking psychotic. i am also motivated for the semester, considering i did so much fucking BETTER this semester than i thought. it's extremely refreshing! i also ordered my new cell phone, so within the next couple of days when you decide to call me, you will actually hear my voice. sexual ;o)

anyway. before i come home/(long island?), i have a lot of things to get goin on. but i will be back, and i will be less crazy, and i will be just a few days away from being twenty one. i will miss chalking my id, but hey. :D

music, book, bed.

ps- inspiration? where'd you go? i need to write. thanks.

erase

2008-12-28T16:57:09Z

i don't know what to do.

typical

2008-12-27T19:45:36Z

i don't even know why i bother wasting my breath. i knew this would happen.
maybe i should just face the facts that i will be like this forever.

yup. this will probably be long.

2008-12-26T05:33:23Z

It's unbelievable how quickly christmas comes and goes.

I wish I could be everywhere. I wish I could split my body into thirds and just be in multiple places at the same time. I'm at the point where I don't even prefer one place over another, I just want to be somewhere and comfortable. Once I get to that one place, though, I wanna be in the other. Florida is a great break from everything, especially between semesters; I don't have any responsibility and I absolutely love being with my family. I love the craziness that goes on in New Paltz, I love having my own house and complete freedom. I love being on Long Island and seeing everyone, especially now when everyone is home. Now that erik isn't in new paltz anymore I don't have that like, security? i had when he was there. Anytime I'd come home to an empty house, I know in a few hours he'd be there. I'd never fall asleep alone or wake up alone. Now that is missing and it does have an affect on me. I know it's for the best, I know everything will work out, I'm really confident in that, it's just one more thing that is missing, one more direction I am being pulled towards, one more person to miss so fucking terribly all the time. The worst part is, I know I need to stop complaining and being upset about what I "don't" have at all times, I need to fucking start appreciating things a bit more. I need to stop comparing myself now to what I was then, etc. I just don't want to :( But I have to, I have to, I have to.

I need to appreciate the time I have here with my family. I really do enjoy myself when I'm here, I just get real bored after a while. I made the decision to stay here for a while rather than rush back to new paltz for new years eve. So what's another year here? I'm not too distraught about it. I'm turning motherfuckingtwentyone in less than a month and believe me, I will have the party of a fucking lifetime. It's time to grow up for a little while, just a little while. While I'm here, at least.

So '09 is coming up, and I know everyone (myself included) always make these ridiculous "resolutions" that they never follow. So I've decided to (hopefully) counteract that by setting these "goals" for myself (rather than "resolutions") a little bit early. I have a ton to fucking fix. I need to up my game on just about everything. Fortunately, my grades were so much better than I expected them to be this semester. But next semester I need to bust my fucking ass, I'm taking 17 credits and every single class is for my major(s). I'm actually going to stay motivated and do my work and jesus I MUST go to class. I think I will be okay with that. I need to chill my fucking anxiety down a lot. (i think we can figure that trick out for sure.) I NEED to fucking saaaaave money. I wanna go to costa ricaaa, but more importantly I want to make sure I can find a place to live after college. I ~~want~~ need to get my head straight again. I was doing really well for a while and then it just exploded. Sigh. Things will work out, for sure.

Random thoughts-- I haven't had a cigarette in an entire week. That's really exciting. Not because I'm trying to quit or anything, just because I don't smoke when I'm here. It's just better that way. I'm gonna try to hold out until I come back and lordy, that cigarette is going to be so absolutely fabulous I can't wait. I think it's comforting to know that, although I smoke a ton, too much even, I don't need them at all. That's nice to know.

also, my creative writing teacher wants to publish one of my poems in some shit he's putting together. That made me feel really good. It's only 4 lines, but he really liked it a lot. it's basically the only thing I put any sort of emotion into this entire semester. Maybe that means I should actually try next time.

okay. this was entirely too long. i feel good now, though. i feel like i've needed a livejournal vent. aw, i miss being in high school.
anyway, merry christmas friends. i love you all and miss you all too much.
peace♥

ps- The Real Housewives of Orange County is THE most ridiculous show in the entire world and I love it.

sponge

2008-12-22T04:35:59Z

i want you, and warm weather, and an endless amount of money, and our problems to go away, and the world's most comfortable bed, blunts, reds, a few thousand bottles, and nothing else because nothing else would matter.

sigh.

peeps

2008-12-20T23:30:46Z

ohhh, lordy. i feel yucky.

well, it's christmas break. i ~~think~~ know that it's desperately, desperately needed. For everyone, it seems. I'm in florida now after a 48 hours of fucking torturous hell. i'm glad to be with my family at a time where i'm really needed. i'm trying my hardest not to stress out about a bunch of things that are eating away at me. it's so hard when you have your own problems but you can't help worrying for others as well. it's like, i can't even deal with my own anxiety, the last thing i need is worrying about others'. i can't help it though. i love these people too much not to. i need to figure out when i am going home, and to where first, and if i go to long island, how am i going to get to new paltz. and if i go straight to new paltz, i can't see my extended family/boyfriend/friends for the holidays. sigh. i'll figure it out.

there's so many things i need to do. i wanna try and wake the fuck up this break. like, start being a real person. but as for tonight, all i am going to do is contaminate my brain with mindless television. i'd say it's a necessity.

oh, and there's been a creep peering through the 16yr old next door neighbor's window. who, not only escaped the cops after being fucking tazed, but shit in his pants all over the street while doing so. he still hasn't been found.

i don't know if i should be scared, or laugh uncontrollably, or be confused, or all of the above. only in fucking florida, though man. only fucking florida.

goodbye for now, friends.
ps- i think i want to try and up the LJ for a while. that is all.

'87

2008-12-11T19:53:43Z

a lot of things are changing.
a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot.
it's definitely a good thing, i think. i need to do some changing myself. i already have begun to, in a way. it makes me feel really good to know that i am ready to better myself and get the shit done that i've been needing to do. now i just need to try and detatch myself from the past and how things used to be, focus on myself and the present and just try and deal with what's at hand right now. if things work out the way they are meant to, then they will. no matter how difficult things get. if i've gotten this far, things can work out.

xmas party tonight woooo

certaintragedy9 @ 2008-12-10T00:03:00

2008-12-10T05:03:52Z

when you go a long time without seeing someone you love, the single moment you see them again makes it totally worth the wait.

weirdd

2008-11-24T17:26:48Z

so last night, i fell asleep for what must have been only about ten minutes. i woke up and suddenly couldn't stop worrying about things. but not the typical things i worry about, or anything remotely close to what i normally worry about. in fact, it was kind of like the opposite. i started to worry about one thing, which of course lead to wayyy too many more. but it was just really strange... i was awake for hours just stressing out and worrying about things i never would have imagined i'd be worried about. i felt really uneasy all night, and didn't end up falling asleep until around 645.

hopefully i won't have to deal with anything like that again. i think florida likes to mess with my head.

part i

2008-11-21T01:40:33Z

tomorrow i go to long-gisssland
saturday i go to floridUHH
then one week left of class, finals,
florida part ii,
thennn i get to see the love of my lifeeee againnn finnnnnaaaalllllly
the hard part is basically over.

what it is

2008-11-09T06:56:26Z

So slowly, things are progressing. Slowly...

I'm finally on the right track with school, or so I hope. I've gotten a lot more motivated which is probably because it's completely necessary at this point. I'm happy to have this time to get my shit together. I say it all the fucking time, too. But this time, I don't really have much of a choice. And I'm so thankful for that, I need it desperately. The rest of this semester is dedicated 125% to myself, getting my head, grades, finances, etc etc completely straight.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about where I am at this point, and what direction I could possibly be headed. It terrifies me to know that I am in a place where I am constantly thinking of my future, and where I will be, and if it will be the way I hope it to be. As much as I feel like I "know" what is going to happen, the scary thing is, that I fucking don't. I could have a clue. But nothing is certain. And actually saying that "out loud" gives me the fucking chills.

I know "exactly" what I want to happen. I know where I want to be, the people I want in my life, what I want to do. I never thought I'd be able to say that at twenty years old. I feel a bit ridiculous about it, too. I don't know if that's okay or not. I need to stop thinking so much, and over-analyzing myself/my life. Taking things slowly has been successful thus far. The one thing I am certain of though, is that in a month, I am going to be the happiest girl in the fucking world. I am convinced that the moment I can finally be with the kid I am crazy about is going to be the most incredible feeling I have ever felt. I need to start reminding myself that more often.

Registration for next semester already, fucking really?! It's a very good sign though, I suppose. Never once in the past two and a half years in New Paltz have I prayed for a semester to be over. It's a ridiculous thought.

I hope this was enough to satisfy all y'all. Even if there is no "all y'all", I am satisfied.
Night♥

todd's song

2008-11-07T05:15:33Z

i can't even describe how happy i am to see christmas commercials already♥

ps- ofuckingbama. living history, baby.

if only

2008-10-13T21:40:49Z

i didn't cry as much as i could because i was too numb, it didn't feel real.

hybrid

2008-09-25T15:10:25Z

i had a fucking amazing weekend. i don't even want to go into how much money was spent. all i know is that nothing can get any better than molly, my fucking incredible boyfriend, and the bouncingmothafuckinsouls. it's hard to choose the best part of the entire weekend, espcially the show, i'd definitely say one of the major highlights was when this girl in her late 20s came up to us and said how perfect we were during lean on sheena. it's corny, i know, but it was a fucking incredible moment, especially in the state we were in. we're just too punk rock for anyone, i guess... we're good shit. Definitely the best birthday present i've ever given. i can't fucking believe it's the end of september.

anchors awayy

2008-09-18T15:07:15Z

bouncing souls tomorrow with a boy who i met simply because he was wearing a souls shirt.
and here we are a yeaaar later.
excited♥

because WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS

2008-09-16T02:36:27Z

this weekend was fucking HGFHIDIAHSPIGHSPOIHGPI!!!
free justice show. fuuuckkkking incredible.

i don't think my body/mind will ever get back to normal lol.

twisted

2008-09-13T02:47:38Z

it's 1044 on a friday night. i'm drunk and pathetic.
i just read something i wrote exactly one year and one day ago. i started crying absofuckinglutely pathetically and that has never happened before. i'm sad that things change. i don't know what the fuck i am going to do a month from now. i feel ridiculous.

freshman year was absolutely the best, but i can't believe i constantly forget how fucking epic last year was as well.

is it ironic that this happened on a friday night?
no one will ever understand.